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  • Writer's pictureChris People

๐—ฆ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ณ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐—ป '๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜๐˜๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด' - It doesn't have to be this way.

This quote from Marcus Aurelius came up in Daily Stoic recently and it made me reflect somewhat on our work and my clients.

One of the challenges I see (and I am sure many of us see this in ourselves - I certainly do) is in our tendencies to resign ourselves to enduring a challenging situation or experience -

"๐˜'๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ..."

"๐˜'๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ข ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ..."

"๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ..."

"๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ / ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ..." etc.

The challenge as a therapist is then trying to enable a client to trust you that change is actually possible. Things ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ be different. Often we just need to start doing something (and probably something small) differently. Now the caveat here, of course, is sometimes an external change isn't possible - for example after some life changing injury or an incurable disease - but even so, there may be ways we can help you to adapt, adjust and cope and lead you towards less suffering. (I'll try and write specifically about pain and illness in the next couple of weeks - its something I work with a fair bit).

I often think when we talk about ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ, it can be frequently misconstrued as telling ourselves and others to just 'put up with it', 'suck it up', 'power through' or otherwise just endure the suffering of this hand you/we're given. I don't think that's true and its certainly not how we use this term.

'Settling' is not what we're all about. It doesn't have to be this way.

It is true, we want to develop the ability to cope with difficult or challenging situations. But, psychological resilience - as it is usually defined in an evidence-based context - speaks more about our capacity to adapt, remain emotionally flexible, and still continue towards a life of meaning and richness in the presence of adversity.

You don't have to settle ๐Ÿ™‚


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